Broken by Lifehouse

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

How many times we feel like this??? I'm still at a crossroad... What should I do next? Any hint?

Some times I feel such a hypocrite, one side I'm bleeding inside, the other laughing outside. How many faces do I need?

ZZzzzZzz... Just wanna go home and hide myself again.

When my church 38 mate meets my uni 38 mate

This is like... 38... (read it in mandarin, separately)

Mavis meets Jin and starts talking about her about me.

And I've got a feeling it's back to those days in secondary school where schoolgirls would stay at one side and giggle incessantly about guys and who should someone like and why girls should go after guys. I was never part of that, or I was and never remembered.

These two are the craziest person around and I can't believe how we actually can be fast friends, especially Mavis because last time this year, she's just another girl in our youth whom speaks Cantonese and pretty ok Mandarin. We just hit it off don't know when and now... We just talk too much crap together.

Jin, JIN JIN!!! That actually speaks for itself. I can't describe her. She's younger than me, either she makes me feel younger or I make her older. Two of us are shopping-mates, gourmet-mates (it just sounds better than food critics ok?) and also.... crap-talk mates.

*sigh*

Back to my assignment. That's the life of university student.

Oh...

My baby W660i is sssssoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute.

and I dropped it after 4 days.

ok ok... Stop rolling your eyes... 

I'm very careless...

*wails*

oh... 老哥 恐龙狗 u can at least say hi on msn u noe?

Flying time...

Another semester to go and I've graduated... Can't believe how fast I went through high school and then university so fast. It's like a dream. I never even thought that I could actually graduate from uni... 

Life really changed for me. I became more independent, sometimes I think more aloof, more cynical. Less naive than I used to be but still as gullible as ever... Sometimes I miss the old me, but I still look forward how "me" can evolve...

God played a larger role in my life now. I used to take Him for granted but thank God, I've grown spiritually as well as physically (as if I did by much).

So many new friends, so unexpected. I treasure the ones I have now, and thank God for the old ones I still have since dinosaur years. One word to the people in Kuching: I MISS U GUYS HEAPS!!!!!!!! Miss me? No? *sigh* I'll be an emo retard now...

Never knew I can ramble so much. Sign of an aging Esther and and teacher-would-be Miss Song. If I had split personality, please blame teaching. 

Til then, GOOD LUCK WITH WHATEVER EVERYONE IS DOING NOW. Resting, eating, sleeping, puking, studying, pakto-ing...

God bless 

=D

Called my mum last night and she shared something really touching.

They found my grandma's diaries in which she wrote everyday without fail.

Her entries were what that touched my mum.

The last entry was when my mum cut her hair.

She wrote about how my mum cut her hair and that she is a new person again. She thanked God for her life and ended that entry with "Amen".

My mum had originally thought how our grandma used to complain about everything but, surprisingly in her diaries, she actually reflect another different person.

We as human, always complain every time everywhere and about everything. Even on online blogs, how many times we've actually used it to complain about things, people and even food?

My grandma, in her diaries, always talk about how my aunts brought her out for lunch and stated how delicious it was. My mum said there were not negative things in her entries and all of them were praising God for giving her good things and she will always end her entries with "Amen!"

I just wish that I could be like her. It's not easy and I tend to complain a lot. Everything is bad everything is not going my way... I just hope that I can always end the day with a positive note and wake up to another great day! Just have to constantly remind myself that God always has a plan for us and no matter how hard life can be, there will always be someone who is at a more horrible position than us.

And when I do pass, I want people to think of my good things rather than my bad. Just like my grandma. Even when she passed, all we thought was that WHAT A GREAT PERSON SHE IS!

Happier times...

I got my new baby yesterday...

^^

It's my W660i.

Not as cute as Katak's cat (CAN I HAVE A CAT TOO?!)

But it's my darling at the moment... With the exception that I should have gone for black rather than rose (which practically is pink) and it does look like I'm celebrating CNY with the gold linings...

We celebrated Renee's 20th

Top: Random guy (Victor), Mavis, Renee, Esther, Annaliesa
Bottom: Julie

Youth group 08

A passing in my family

I got the news at work yesterday. My grandmother had gone to be with the Lord.

People were asking me why I'm so strong?

I would say, my grandmother had lived a great life!

She loved God, she trusts Him. I think until the end, she was still praising God.

God's timing is always unexpected but what I think, is perfect.

She's been in and out of the hospital for quite some time already but God has chosen to lessen her sufferings and taken her to be with Him.

I cried in the staffroom when I called up my mum to ask her what had happened.

IF I were to be in Kuching, I would have cried bucketfuls of tears...

I would miss her
Telling us grandchildren how studies are really important
We have to study hard to achieve
Retelling all her stories in China
Singing to her cats and dogs
Enjoying her food all the time
How great God has been

Even thought the past few years I've not been home as frequent as I could, I think of her all the time. Prayed for her good health and now, she's gone to a better place.

We are not very affectionate people by chance but, we all love you. We miss you very much. We will see you one day in heaven with grandfather too.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

OMGosh...

Been really, really lazy in updating my blog...

HAH!

Victor's graduation was great.

Um... Changed my phone number too...

Waiting for my new phone to arrive.

AND also...

Wasting all my texts... and free minutes...

Will try and post stuffs up soon.... CAN'T LEAVE MY BLOG DEAD!!!!!!!!

Graduation...

It's graduation time in UoA again.

And it's raining. HAHAHAHA. Forecast? MORE RAIN!

ooooOOoooHHHhhhh... It's one of our youth's graduation day too!!!

I just got asked by his sister if I wanted to go to his graduation ceremony in the Town Hall... Their parents not flying in so they had an extra ticket.

My motive:
Victor's doing BCom. Bachelor of Commerce. It's famous for? LOTS and LOTS of Asians and not to mention... Sizzling hotness.

(Mavis also mentioned that the minority of Kiwis would be HOT too!)

Me and Mavis is just gonna stare at the hotness we have in the hall and maybe on the pretext of taking photos of Victor, instead we will take photos of the hot guys. MuAHAHAHHahahAHah. Pity Victor.

I'm obsessed with hot guys. Even though I don't actually really like them? Maybe it's the liking of LOOKING at them? Hmm... Ups and downs.

Another sad note,
I'll be graduating next year.
I've no idea what lies ahead of me.
Is it the end of studying and into the career field?
Or is there something more lying ahead in my future?
Where would I settle?

So many uncertainties. However, God would have planned it out for me.

It's also Mavis and Melissa's graduation with me!!!
2009 - here we come!

I think I've lost track of my purpose in life. I've been so mad at so many people at so many different points this week over minor things but to me, I've been making a mountain about a mole hill.

Call my a Christian fanatic or what, but what has really gotten through my so-called seemingly idyllic life has been God. He has given me the strength to overcome my problems. Then I remembered the song by Planetshakers "Big". It has been on my mp4 and I've not taken it off like most other songs. When I start listening to it, I knew why.

My God is big
So strong so mighty

My God's plan for me
Goes beyond my wildest dreams

My God is good
He's so good to me

My God is big
So strong so mighty

My God is good
He's so good to me

He's my God and
He is my refuge
He's the rock on which I stand
He's my fortress
God, He is my life
He holds the oceans in His hand

My God is Big
So Strong so mighty

My God is good
He's so good to me

There's nothing my God cannot do

I believe that God is reminding me that what I've done so far is not for my own pleasure or my pride or my joy but it is for Him. The reason for the run alone is for God. It's for the youth camp and it's not MY camp but HIS camp. I had lost track of that vision alone.

Suddenly the burden's been lifted up.

My mum reminded me of how life can be so negative but we can always find something that we can be grateful for.
She started it with:
1. Thank God, I'm still breathing the air on this earth.

I can add more to it.
Thank you
For my parents. No matter what position I am in, they've always showered me with their love.

Thank you
For my friends that you've given to me. The encouragement they've given me. The best listeners sometimes (*ahem* Eleanor)

Thank you
When I am down, God, You will find a way that I can stand up and continue walking this walk with You.

Thank you
Obstacles that you've given me has matured me.

I'm really, really sorry if you've been really misjudged or should I say, the wrong end of my receiving line. I really am sorry. =(