Mojo....

Sometimes as you get older, the less stuff you have to say...

The more you talk about, the more you want to talk to a real person.

This year... I got quite upset at things.

1. Still no bf.

2. Still no bf.

3. Still no bf.

4. It seems like the no boyfriend trend will continue...

I was asking myself. Would I want a guy that takes me as less as I am when I show him my real self? People say, just sometimes, tone down. But, it's me, and take me as I am? I will still act up even if when we just "tone" down and dated and then he realised, he found a person...

but then... they do have points.

I asked God. Why still no one? I don't think He realised that. LOL. Yeah, right. As if. He's our Almighty God, everything is in His hands. All I need to do is to turn my heart away from the lusts of this world and towards Him so I'm gearing myself.

I love reading romance. *shush* Everyone thinks they are crap fiction to read. Probably we all girls are secretly romantics... Whether we say we are or not but in us, there is this "romance" we have in mind. My only romance is when one day, I am able to talk comfortably with a guy and we can just sit there comfortably in each others presence without talking but then you glance at each other at times and just smile and go back to what you are doing. Am I able to even do that I don't know but... Getting desperate for a guy is not the answer. That's why sometimes, I can't take it when people starts dating straight away because I believe a strong friendship is needed first as a base, not just that attraction.

It just made me think of all the guys I used to have feelings for, whether it was being obvious but never mentioned or just the I-know-you-like-me-but-I-will-choose-to-ignore type... Somehow, I still manage to just be happy about it and move on~ not by much but they don't feel threatened by me... Or maybe I'm just a man... not a girly girl? I will always forgive... I probably always fall that guy that gives me the attention that I want and I feel connected to~~ *sigh*

One thing... I'm getting more and more~~~ sometimes childish, sometimes serious, sometimes moody but the more I know my good friends more, the more secure I feel...

I still can be quite insecure but now, I love it... I take it as it is and...

it's great to have God as your best friend and I will wish my partner will have Him as his best friend... and we, will have Him in our lives.

sometimes the feelings of helplessness, anger, frustration and exhaustion...

makes you wonder where can you go... who can you talk to.

finally you settled on that one person you think would understood...

and they let you down.

I've been let down twice.

By people who had no time for me....

sometimes I just wanna turn back time and make sure Mavis is still next to me....

she would somehow always make me feel better.

people just tell me why are you making such a big fuss but sometimes, to be in that position, you have to feel that frustration.

is there anyone with just a little more time for me i wonder...

God you sometimes, makes men so cruel

one thing you need to always have

is someone/something that makes you smile.

Really. If not what would happen to everyone on the days that they feel down. Down is nice. Depressed. Suicidal. ---> my vocab is damn limited.

One thing that makes me smile.

Lunch with a best friend who knows you inside out.

A random text suddenly asking you how are you.

Someone you can call when something shitty happened. Like, you lost 50 bucks because you left it at the ATM machine.

An idol group with a good variety show.

Or even the current hot dance. Maybe limited to Kpop.

Linking hands with your current hot crush. (Pfft, this one, in my dreams)

Drinking your favourite milk tea with certain fillings. (this one, need to drive faaarrrr....)

Someone to bully.

Maybe shopping does fill up that gap.

One thing though...

Facebook doesn't help. At all. Trust me. MSN or even Skype is better.

Maybe because I don't have enough friends. =P

Aahahahahhah... This is how I'm cheering myself up today.

I think i better organise my wardrobe, and room. To feel better?

one sentence hits bam straight.

why can you predict the compability of other people but never yours?

ah.... yeah. Good question.

Now, time to ponder.

*beeps*

Moving on you old lady................

God's timing!

Sometime I just really admire it.

Been doing nothing pretty much til the internet is restored! Family went to Gold Coast for a holiday and I could do nothing except watch and stay home as visa is still "processing" but...

If I had gone to Gold Coast, I would not be able to complain to Anna about not being able to go to Mayday's concert in Auckland as the ridiculously priced tickets are cheapest at 99 bucks. And CHAO WEI GOT FREE TICKETS.

If I did not go in to resign New World (more like they force me...)

I would not even bother opening up my emails. I have a goal now. =)

AND I GOT MY GMARKET parcel!

AND SASA!!!

=D SUPER HAPPY.

After weeks of being super... stressed and depressed but trying to smile throughout it... I finally found something that I can look forward to.

AND I WENT TO THE MAYDAY CONCERT.

FREE!! Envy much?

I learnt patience.

I learnt the word: Wait

I learnt that jealousy still can't solve anything.

No matter how angry I am at things. Still, God has His plans.

Now I just need to let go.

RAGE

maybe i was being a bit too happy saying to mum that "The school still calls me first over Jin."

FUDGE.

I WANT THE MONEY.

I want to work.

WHY IS SHE TAKING ALL MY RELIEVING JOBS when I WAS THE ONE WHO INTRODUCED IT.

I really regret sometimes my decisions at times. I knew she needed a job. She turned it down twice. Then slowly because she was desperate, then willing to take it.

but now. I really really am mad.

Online shopping madness...

Recently, due to... VISA slowness...

All I've been doing is going online. It also seems that God didn't want me to have any trouble so I didn't have much relieving work and the occasional New World.

So...

All I did was to try and kill boredom at home.

So went online and HECK... My usual sites were calling me.

Sasa was horrible. I remembered I need lots of masks, LOTS! And then, realised my skincare was diminishing. So added a few more items. After looking here and there and minus-ing stuff so my shopping cart do not get so ridiculous, I managed to buy some.

Other one, gmarket is the worst!! My Korean madness!! OH GOSH! Shoes, clothes, accessories... All so tempting. Click of the button. I managed to dent another part of my account. =.=

However, shipping is really fast for gmarket! Usually get my stuff within a week or two. AMAZING. Sasa just sent me an email saying it would take more than 3-4 weeks. Die lah... Why can't they be as efficient as gmarket? Pfft.

I went out for 3 hours and came back with an email saying that my shoes were posted! I should have gotten more... Argh!

Today is the day I comtemplated whether I'm suitable to carry on as a leader with the youth. And to stay back as well.

I love them. But somehow, this year, I've met more obstacles than ever. And it hurts.

Jin talked about a Korean custom which they do it every new year. They featured some Bible verses and you picking up a random packet? I think so? And she talks about her Bible verse saying that she will face a lot of hard obstacles and she will need a lot of faith to walk down the path.

I think it's been like that for me. Thank God, my spiritual life has grown so much more these few years as well as me wanting to do more for Him.

Thank God for also friends that are constantly there to guide me and comfort me.

I've pretty much mellowed out. I don't know. These few weeks have been trying on me. I'm still stressed out but not in a bad way, meaning, I still sleep pretty well and hopefully, less taking out on people but more on berating myself.

I don't know... I don't know most of my friends anymore.

I want to have a person someone beside me that really can comfort me.

Jin has been a tad further these days because of her boyfriend and somehow, we have nothing in common anymore. =(

I really miss those days.................

Sometimes, thinking of having a bf makes me even depressed cz on most of the blogs I read, everyone is talking about their baby, BB, bubu... wadeva pet name they have for their bfs... and. I really wish I could share things with someone that special...

Argh. Just wistful thinkings and God's timing... is perfect. I believe that.