Things I've learnt the past week...

Never ever have a bloody 21st party where you've gotta sweat it out in the kitchen.

... and don't invite the bloody whole church, youth and friends...

Man... I stink!!!

And I've not finished Vincent's powerpoint presentation on photos... Haih...

Kids these days...

I say I've had a fabulous time in my practicum. Kids are sooo cute and naughty but yet... They are adorable.

The things they say to me really makes me go... WHAT?!!

One instance, during art (it's art art art this week...)
Kid 1: (trying to paint his papier mache flower) Esther, Esther...
Me: (very busy getting the children to paint the correct place with the correct way) Yes?
Kid 1: How old are you?
Me: (thinking... this question again!) .......... (still busy mah...)
Kid 1: Are you 23 years old?
Me: (WALAO! I look that old?) .......... (dun wanna answer that question lah...)
Kid 1: 24? 25? 26? 27? HOW OLD ARE YOU ESTHER!!??

My teacher comes to the rescue
Teacher: You never ask a lady how old is she, (name).

Kid 1 is a very persistant boy...
Kid 1: 28? 29? Esther... Are you 30 years old?
Me: [(-________-)" Apalah...]......... (kek si lah...)
Kid 1: Hey... Esther... Are you 30 years old?
Me: (tak tahan liao...) I'm not answering that question..........
Teacher: Good way to answer, Esther.

I was busy helping Kid 2 because he had another colour to fill in... The teacher left to observe the other table:
Kid 1: (still very persistant) Esther, how old are you? Are you 30 years old?
Kid 2: I think Esther's not that old...
Me: (am chio am chio*).......... (very dangerous...)
Kid 2: Esther... Are you 22 years old?
Me: (WALAO!!! This kid oso no better...) I really do not want to answer that question...
Kid 2: 23? 24? 25? 26? 27? 28? 29? 30?
Kid 1: Told you she's 30 years old...
Kid 2: Yup...

These kids aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhh.... Kek si lang... Memang...

Very mature kids you know... And how innocent I was compared to them.
A young girl was being high on sugar (I think) and she kept hugging this really kid BIG eye guy. I was like... "J, could you stop hugging D please?"
Apparently not...
This kid sitting next to this "high" girl and "lucky" boy went...
B: They are doing it you know (with a knowing face and nodding his head)
Me: What? Doing what? (blurr....)
B: They are doing (I could hear something starting with "s" and was hoping it's not that word)
Me: (blank face)... Huh?
B: S-e-d (he spelled it out)
Me: Sed? There's no such word as sed...
B: No, no, no... SED (He pronounced it that way though...)
Me: (lagi blank-er face)... Huh? I don't get you B....
B: S-E-A!!!! SED!!
Me: Sea? What sea?
B: (very annoyed!) NO, NO, NO!!! S-E-X!! SEX... They are doing SEX!!!
Me: [(-__-)"] Ok, B. I'm very, very, very sure that they are NOT doing sex.
B: No... They are doing it...
Me: NO... I'm VERY sure.

Then after this...
K: Esther, Esther...
Me: Hmmm?
K: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: ....... (wondering where this is going...) Nooooooooo....
D: Why?
Me: Why should I have one?
K: How old are you then?
Me: (WALAO!!).... No need to know...
B: Why don't you have one?
Me: ..............
K: J has a girlfriend.
B: Yeah... I know, J.
Me: (kaypoh lah... So nosey de...) Which J? I know there is one in this class and another one in M class.
K: The one in our class!!
B: J already has one girlfriend before... He told me.
Me: (SWT!) .......
K: Esther, how many boyfriends did you have before?
Me: (I really hate this subject... ) Change subject change subject... You kids are supposed to be reading!! Not asking me questions...

This is an OVERDUE long post................. I know I know... I was busy planning, teaching, writing, typing up my stuffs... Almost dead... BUT... I'm on holidays but this week is gonna be Vincent's party, assignments and meeting friends up.

p.s Anybody has Vincent's photos lying around at home and able to scan them? I really need them... PLEASE!!!!!!

Honglish!

I've recieved another email... This time about Honglish. Very kindly compiled by a Malaysian friend currently staying in Hong Kong who used to stay in Auckland but actually is from Penang. I'm trying very hard to confuse people here so please do this face even though you are not confused at all.... (-___________-)"

Lesson One:

There are certain "rules" in Honglish that is common in Hong Kong.

• If "N" is followed by a vowel, (i.e. na, ne, ni, no, nu) the N is pronounced like an L. For example: Balala (banana), lo way, (no way), interlet (internet), My lame is lancy (my name is nancy) Please note for Nancy, since the second N is not followed by a vowel, it keeps its N sound.
  
• If a word has "er" at the end, it is pronounced as "ah". For example: Fathah (father), Dinlah (dinner), ohdah (order)
  
• If a word is in the past tense and has "e d" at the end, you need to add a "ded" sound. For example: jinkded (drinked), cakeded (kicked) Please note, some words like "eated" is acceptable. Please note, words that end with "ted" or "ded" do not apply.
  
• If a word ends with "ount" or "ound", it should be pronounced as "aang". For example: Ackaang (account), Maangtan (mountain), I am the saang engileer (I am the sound engineer)
• If a word ends with "ing", it should be pronounced as "eng". For example: wokkeng (walking), eatteng (eating)
• If a word has an "s" sound at the end, then you need to add the sound "si". For example: Salesi (sales), K-si (case), missi (miss)
• Words that end with "o n e" should sound like "oong". For example: Foong (phone), boong (bone)
• If you greet someone whose name or title has only one word/sound, you need to add an "ah" in front. For example: Ah sur (sir), Ah Ben, Ah Tim.
• Words that end with "ble" are pronounced with "bou", "ple" is replaced with "pou" . For exampou: (for example), dubbou (double), appou (apple)
• Words that start with a "v" is replaced by the "w" sound. For example: Winson (Vincent), wan (van), your woice is wery nyesi (your voice is very nice)

Lesson Two:

The following words have the same pronunciation. If you are unsure of how to exactly pronounce it Honglish style, please refer to the Cantonese word next to it.

- 曲 [ku] : coke, quote, code, cook – cookie (曲奇)

- 食[siek] : sick, shake, sake, six

- 夫 [foo] : full, fool, through – go through (高夫)

- 碧 [pik] : pig, pick – picking (碧鯨)

- 逼 [bik] : big, bake

- 高 [gou] : go, gold, coast – Gold Coast (高高)

- 雲 [wang] : one, won, want – Kevin (key雲)

- 低 [dai] : die, dye – diamond (低問)

- 波 [bo] : ball, bore – boring (波零), boss (波士)

Lesson Three:

Learn your ABCs and 0-10:

• 0 (知爐) [chi lo]
  
• 1 (雲) [wang]
  
• 2 (perfect pronunciation)
• 3 (fee/free)
• 4 (科) [for]
  
• 5 (快) [fai]
  
• 6 (食) [seik]
  
• 7 (些雲) [sei wang]
  
• 8 (egg)
• 9 (拉) [naing]
  
• 10 (tang)
• F (air 符[fu])
• H (egg 廚 [chu])
• L (air 爐 [lo])
• R (阿爐 [ah lo])
• S (air 時 [si])
• W (得[dab] Ber U)
• X (egg 時[si])
• Z (二set)

Lesson Four:

There are certain words in Honglish that are the short form of longer English words. Learn this so that you can understand fully what they are trying to say:

• Lie bar (Library)
• Fee Chem Bi (Physics, Chemistry, Biology)
• Geoga (Geography)
• Koli (qualification)
• E (email)
• Market (marketing)
• Filo (philosophy)
• Engine (engineering)
  

Final Lesson:

Why did England lose at the World Cup? There are many excuses and reasons, but in Hong Kong, it was because the English team had three Chinese players in there: 羅賓順, 谢拉特 & 林拍特！

Dong Dong I hope you don't mind this plagarism...

Manglish... yes Mangled English
Well well... Hmm... I've known friends of Malaysian descent since primary school... while the children at that age speak proper english.. in recent years there has been an increase in my friend circle of Malaysian Origin that speak and write in a somewhat unique brand of english.

For the purposes of this piece of artistic literature, I shall call that brand of informal English - Manglish - Malaysian English, Mangled English.. which ever you like.

Manglish I believe shares alot of similaries with Singlish .. no.. not the english used in Songs... its Singapore English. Anyway, Bahasa Melayu, or affectionally called BM amongst Malaysian specimens, was adopted as M'sia's sole official language in 1968 (i think). Although British english is widely spoken, numerous Malay words, along with Chinese (hokkien, mandarin, cantonese) and Tamil words have been mixed into the vocabulary (as well as grammar) to create this rather distorted version of english.

For purposes of joining in friendly chat with our lovely fellow malaysian specimens, one would need to grasp some idea of the way to engage in conversation.

The following is a personal summary of Key points required, in order to construct your sentences orally as well as on paper.

Some interesting characteristics... (p.s. I've colour coded it. This is definition, this is example)
-lah
Used to affirm a statement (similar to "of course"). Frequently used at the end of sentences and usually ends with an exclamation mark (!).
Don't be an idiot lah!

-mah
Used to affirm a sentence but not as strongly as "lah"... Used at the end of sentences.
She's like that mah..

-nah
Derived from the Malay expression of "Nah!". similar to "here".... Used when giving something to another person.
Nah, take this!

-meh
Used when asking questions, especially when a persion is skeptical of something.
Really meh?

-liao
Means "already"... comes from the chinese word "le" which means finished or completed.
No more stock liao.

-ah
Derived from the Chinese expression "a". Used at the end of sentences, unlike meh the question is rhetorical. Also used when asking a genuine question. Besides that, some people use it when referring to a subject before making a (usually negative) comment.
Why is he like that want (pronounced wang) ah?
Is that true ah?
My brother ah, always disturb me leh! Siao siao (crazy) de him ah!

-lor/loh
Used when explaining something... also to affirm a statement as obvious..
Like that lor!
1+1=2 loh!
ya loh! He so suku de loh!

-leh
Used to soften an order, thus making it less harsh, also used to emphasize something
Give me that leh.
He very fat de one leh.
Where got leh?

-one
Used as an emphasis at the end of a sentence.
Why is he so naughty one (ah)?
Why (pronoused Huai) you so like that one!!

-what
Unlike British/American English, the word 'what' is often used as an exclamation mark, not just to ask a question.
What! How could you do that?
I didn't take it, what.

-got
Used as a literal translation from the Malay word 'ada' or 'have' or the chinese "you", also means have. The arrangement of words is often also literally translated. This particular particle is widely abused in Manglish, mainly because of the difficulty for the Manglish speaker of comprehending the various correct uses of the English verb 'to have'. Therefore, 'got' is substituted for every tense of the verb.
You got anything to do? (Kamu ada apa-apa untuk buat?)
I got already/got/will got my car from the garage.

-Cheh
Used most by females of Chinese descent. This word is most potent/strong when used with an eye signal looking sideways and closing of the eye lids rapidly, with slight turning of the head sideways in synchrony. usually has a dismissive meaning and may sometimes mean their desire to ignore the person or the topic of discussion the word is directed at.
Cheh! Ignore you liao
Cheh.. whatever lah!
Walao, cheh, how can like that one!

-Boh/wo
Used at the end of a sentence usually with an innocent expression. Derived from Chinese “wo”, could mean surprise or shock
I didn't go boh.
I don't know wo.
What lah, not me boh!

-Siao
This term derives from BM (DD made a mistake here... it's actually Hokkien) meaning Crazy, or out of your mind. And no, it is not a compliment.
You so siao!
Haha.. Siao..

-De
This is derived from the Chinese word “de” which means “something’s” or is… Malaysian specimens of Chinese descent usually incorporate this word into their sentence, which may sound weird at first, but .. yeah.. you’ll get used to it. It also can be used as a “one” replacement..
Cannot like that de lah.
Why (huai) you so suku de!!

-Kua/Gua
Used when the speaker is uncertain about something. Usually placed at the end of a sentence. Can be used as a "ba" replacement in Chinese, also affirming uncertainty.
Who will be the next US president? Not him Kua/Gua.

-Nia
This term is not derived from the Chinese "ni a" meaning "you ah"… It has similar meaning to the Chinese term "er yi" meaning only, only this much. Used by specimens when they feel like being humble.
How much you get in the test? 100 nia la...

Nouns
"barsket" - derived from 'bastard', general derogatory term. May also be derived from 'basket case'.
"bladibarsket" - derived from 'bloody bastard', profane derogatory term.
"kapster" - a nosy or talkative person; can be also used as an adjective, e.g., "I hate them because they are so kapster." Contraction of the Malay verb "cakap", to speak, plus -ster (probably from analogy with English words such as "trickster").
"maluation" - embarrassment, from BM "malu" + English "-ation".
"outstation" - out of town (e.g., going outstation).
"terrer" - (pronounced as the English "terror") Refers to someone or something being awesomely amazing or good (e.g., "Bloody hell, that guy is terrer!").

Adjectives
"aiksy/lan si" - arrogant, overconfident. 'Aiksy' possibly derived from 'acting up'; 'lan si' is of Cantonese origin.
"blur" - confused, out-of-it. Roughly equivalent to "spacey" in US slang. can also be used in rapid succession to emphasise the extent of confusion. e.g. Me so Blur blur...
"slumber" - relaxed, laid-back; possibly a conflation of the Malay "selamba", meaning nonchalant, and the English "slumber".

Verbs
"business" - a euphemism for bodily functions conducted in the toilet. One can do big business or small business.
"jadi" - happened, succeeded (derived from the Malay word 'jadi', and may sometimes mean 'so' as in, "Jadi?" = "So what?")
"jalan" - to walk (Malay)
"kantoi" - to get caught ("I kena kantoi..." means, "I got shafted/reprimanded/caught")
"kena" - to get caught/punished; often used like a noun ("I sure kena if I cheat"). From the Malay passive verb "kena".
"kill" - to punish/scold/cause trouble to someone ("If you're not careful ah, this guy will kill you")
"makan" - to eat (Malay)
"minum" - to drink (Malay)
"on/off" - to turn something on or off, respectively (e.g. "Don't forget to off the fan.")
"pengsan" - to faint (Malay)
"pon" - to skip school/play truant (from Malay "ponteng", meaning the same)
"saman" - to issue a traffic ticket, from "summons"
"sit" - since this is the word used for riding in a vehicle in Malay and in Chinese dialects, it is used in the same way in English, e.g. "sit bus"
"tahan" - to stand, to bear ("Cannot tahan her perfume! So strong!"). From Malay "tahan", to endure, to withstand.
"tumpang-ing" - riding in someone else's vehicle or lodging at someone else's house, from the BM verb "tumpang" + "-ing"
(any Malay word) + "ing" - doing a certain action ("Tengah makan" or "I'm eating right now" is shortened to "Makan-ing")
catch snake - being lazy at one's job. (Derived from Hokkien liak chua which is actually not doing the work they are supposed to do)

Some Equivalents .. Manglish and British/American English
Handphone (often abbreviated to HP) = Mobile phone or Cell phone

MC (medical certificate). Often used in this context, e.g. 'He is on MC today'=Sick note

Love Letter. To receive a 'Love Letter' could mean to receive a letter of reprimand or some official notifications (usually negative). E.g. I received a 'Love Letter' from the bank about my account. = No equivalent.

Can = Yes/Alright

Photostat = Photocopy, Xerox

Cannot =No

One hundred over, one thousand over etc. = Over one hundred, over one thousand etc.
Well thats all for now guys and girls. Hopefully this has been a both informative and entertaining introduction to Mangled English... Manglish.

To learn more, simply talk to a recent Malaysian arrival (specimens of less than 8 years in New Zealand usually should retain some traces of this facinating brand of english... that is unless they've been purposely educated in a english academy or chinese school such as SMK Kuchung High etc etc where proper english education/tuition is readily available to ones who can afford it.) and yeah.. i know i can write long complex compound sentences without commas for breathing.. I like it.. so =P ... live with it.

That was DD's post on manglish... Interesting how outsiders view us... Anyway... His post made me think of this long standing forward email of manglish...

British English VS Malaysian English
Who says our English is teruk. Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc........

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah. (then proceed to try and be the first one to pay the person who comes to collect the money from you)

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got? / Got meh?)

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want la...

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen? Why like that....

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you.
Malaysians: like that also don't know how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u (this is my catch phrase...)

Short and precise. Straightforward til it's rude... That's manglish for you! I'm proud of it though.

PS THANKS CASPER!!! I TOTALLY FORGOT!... I thought there were something missing... Hahahha... I made you guys read black on black. *smacks forehead*

How you know you are getting old....

I'm 19.

OLD in the sense of 5-7 years old children. BLOODY.

Age is such a sensitive topic in school. NEVER EVER TELL THE CHILDREN HOW OLD YOU ARE. If you are 16 or 20 or 40... To them, YOU ARE OLD.

They asked me (very innocent de...) "Esther, how old are you?"
p.s. FB school allows the students to call their teachers by their first names

Deciding against telling them exactly how old, I replied, "I'm born in 1987."

"WOW!! My grandma was born in that year... You are 80 years old?"

One face to describe.... (-____________-)"

So, I've decided to compile a list of "You're old" list:

1. They talk about "Garfield 2" and you talk about "Underworld 2".
2. They talk about "Jack and Josh" and all you know is Grey's Anatomy ended it's second season.
3. You tell them you watched Swan Lake 3 and they tell you it's OLD.
4. You don't even know the picture books they love. You only recognise Anastasia and they are even not interested in it.
5. Ask them any fairy tales and they tell you, YOU ARE SO OUT OF DATE. It's only for little kids.
6. They will tell you that you are OLD everyday you try to change their thinking that YOU ARE ONLY OLDER THAN THEM BY at least 12 years.
7. You draw and scribble better than them.
8. You are DEFINITELY a better speller and mathematician than them, even though they DO know division and multiplication... and you don't remember half of it.
9. They tell you EVERYDAY that you are 80 years old when the subject of age comes up.
10. They play computer games you have NO IDEA about at all.
11. And you lose your voice JUST by reading story books aloud to them.

I really lost my voice. Oh my head... Man... I lost my voice. And to think that people used to tell me that the class was SOOOO MUCH quieter when I'm not in school.

STOP LAFFING!