I've just came to the conclusion. I'm seriously a recluse.

So hard to drag me out anymore. Like, I don't even want to know anymore new people. It's just plainly uncomfortable. I really suck at the getting-to-know-people.

And... It's stupid cz this time last year, my parents were here. I want to go home. I hate NZ. I don't know why I'm still here, hanging to the last bits of hope.

seriously, sometimes, Life really can be a bitch. And I just lose everything.

Everything is gone.

*crap as mood*

It is weird to see this year fly past.

and it reminds me that that hole hasn't been seeing much light too.

I have faith but sometimes, I really wonder. Did I take the right path?? I really want to break down and head towards my comfort zone which is... Go back to study. Yeah. Still, I need to pass that getting an interview stage. Which basically sucks.

I realised, God answers most of my prayers when I do... Leave it in His hands. Had a few breakdowns but I know, I've been stronger these days. Just a tad more cynical to people.

Thank God for friends who do pull me through things.

Anna... I'm sorry for mostly PMS-ing at you most of the times. I know you kinda read this blog?
Jess, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!
June ah June, you're always always there when I need to release steam.
JinHong, you're just awesome for who you are and you made me realised things.

I had the chance to "say" goodbye to my kids in Koru where I had, actually relieved for a year. I really really miss the older ones though... The little ones still give me hugs as I had them most of this term... But, realising that, I really love the independence but still dependent older kids on me. The yells of "MISS SONG!" even though I was quite, um... Mean to them. I really love them and they do know it by just saying "Good morning!" or just tickling me or poking me in the arm.

Walking along the school during duty time, some of them came up and gave me a huge hug. Or even just showing things off to me and telling me when I'm gonna relieve in their class again. I realised, I probably wiill never see these kids again and I'm gonna miss them a lot. They had unconsciously, stuck and superglued themselves in my mind and heart. They created a lot of memories that will always keep me smiling. I remembered this girl coming up to me telling me that I MUST and NEED to watch her perform but sadly, I was called to relieve in another school.

I come to realise, it is really sad IF I had to go back to Malaysia because, would this even happen at all? The teachers there... I really, wonder still have the passion for educating these kids. Just because they aren't rich or smart, would you still wanna keep going on teaching?? I really seen the passion the teachers here put into teaching and I really applaud them. I want to be those kind of teachers that one day that student will think back. I can still remember always wanting to learn and school was fun!

I really, really do not want to lose that passion. And the pathway I'm gonna walk next, I leave it in God's hands. He knows what is best for me. He has brought me this far.