One thing I learnt in youth.
Don't trust anything people say.
I don't know. Why I'm so cynical these days.
Guess it also through picking people up that they can't understand the phrase "Can't you tell me earlier?" *coughs*
Seriously, if something is wrong, tell straight up.
If Adam's Night wasn't good, SPEAK UP. Don't tell me it's awesome in texts and bla bla bla. I KNEW IT WASN'T. DO I LOOK DUMB? Stop treating me like someone who can't take things on. I'm not mad at the comments, I'M MAD AT THE STUPID ATTITUDE.
Don't wait for me to ask you guys to "GIVE BLOODY FEEDBACK!"
Far out, I think we're old enough and mature enough to bear it...
I'm sick and tired of the attitude "I'm scared she might be angry."
I DO THINK THROUGH STUFFS. COME ON. KIDS.
And I do not need excessive emails telling me what things I KNEW WENT WRONG.
PUT IT IN POINT FORM. After reading children's work, I DO NOT WANT TO BE READING LONG HUGE AS EMAILS THAT CAN'T GET TO THE POINT.
*RAGE*
Anyway, I'm the small fish. I'm bidding my time. I do not know when and where I'll be going next. It seems that time is going to be up soon.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
There is a time for everything...
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
A message not only for me, but also for... JaeBeom.
P.S. Only the people close to me know what I mean...
No, it's not about a guy. LOL! At least not about someone who knows me. HAHAHAHAHH!!!
Life...
Adam's Night has come and gone... I guess it's really becoming a habit of mine to always think what did we do well, what could be improved...
One thing though...
WE ENJOYED DOING IT!!!
through God's blessing. I expected 12 guys. God gave me 22. =P
He and His humour... Sometimes I just really wanna... Don't know. He reminded me again about our fundraiser for youth camp last year... Really, I expected $1500 or less... I think He gave us round $4000. HAhahaha...
He's blessed me with awesome friends. Like today. I reminded myself to go and check out that chipped windscreen when I had no school. Did a booking at Smith and Smith and expected an hour or so of service...
Who knew...
I had to replace that whole windscreen. =.=
The lady at the receptionist knew I was not pleased about spending an extra more bucks...
But then, I decided that I would just do it next week when it's the holidays. Earn the money back through New World for the next two weeks anyway as it's school holidays or pick up another job somewhere...
With more expensive stuffs come more responsibility.
At least, I had friends with a phone call away to let me rant it out and... Thank God, I've still been blessed with a job where there are people worst off than me.
Another thing from Adam's Night was that... It also reminded me about my life... And also watching "Fireproof" shows me how much God is essential in a relationship, whether it's with your spouse or parents. That dude in that story was so lucky to have his parents... If not, his marriage would be down with another 298764231987 divorces happening every day...
Why do people just get married and then divorce because "We've fallen out of Love?"
I guess, that's still not for me to answer... as... I'm still... *sigh*
The proof of spiritual maturity is not how “pure” you are but your awareness of your impurity. That very awareness opens the door to God’s grace. — Philip Yancey
Yeah... I need to improve on being aware of my own impurity. Even Paul talks about how men and even him, succumb to sin.
"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me."
Reminds me of Adam's Night. No matter how much we wanted to praise God during that time, I think we kinda failed... a tad too much.
O.o
Some thing to think about to improve next year.
And also my spiritual maturity.
One thing though...
WE ENJOYED DOING IT!!!
through God's blessing. I expected 12 guys. God gave me 22. =P
He and His humour... Sometimes I just really wanna... Don't know. He reminded me again about our fundraiser for youth camp last year... Really, I expected $1500 or less... I think He gave us round $4000. HAhahaha...
He's blessed me with awesome friends. Like today. I reminded myself to go and check out that chipped windscreen when I had no school. Did a booking at Smith and Smith and expected an hour or so of service...
Who knew...
I had to replace that whole windscreen. =.=
The lady at the receptionist knew I was not pleased about spending an extra more bucks...
But then, I decided that I would just do it next week when it's the holidays. Earn the money back through New World for the next two weeks anyway as it's school holidays or pick up another job somewhere...
With more expensive stuffs come more responsibility.
At least, I had friends with a phone call away to let me rant it out and... Thank God, I've still been blessed with a job where there are people worst off than me.
Another thing from Adam's Night was that... It also reminded me about my life... And also watching "Fireproof" shows me how much God is essential in a relationship, whether it's with your spouse or parents. That dude in that story was so lucky to have his parents... If not, his marriage would be down with another 298764231987 divorces happening every day...
Why do people just get married and then divorce because "We've fallen out of Love?"
I guess, that's still not for me to answer... as... I'm still... *sigh*
The proof of spiritual maturity is not how “pure” you are but your awareness of your impurity. That very awareness opens the door to God’s grace. — Philip Yancey
Yeah... I need to improve on being aware of my own impurity. Even Paul talks about how men and even him, succumb to sin.
"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me."
Reminds me of Adam's Night. No matter how much we wanted to praise God during that time, I think we kinda failed... a tad too much.
O.o
Some thing to think about to improve next year.
And also my spiritual maturity.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
wake up call
I gotta change my mindset and with everything came crashing down today...
My stress levels with the kids have reached a point where I can't stand it anymore...
Plus, I think God is giving me a signal that I've been ignoring Him too long...
Adam's Night would be a great thing to remind me of Him and what He has created for all the Eves in the world.
How great is His creation and why do people still... kinda leave God behind?
The world is getting so corrupted now as I can hear people thinking "Who are you to judge?"
So many things I've seen and so much I've just thought that "normal" now is really frightening me. Living together, gays... I've no idea... What I have thought before has changed drastically. Shocking.
Then today, I let something stupid. Actually SILLY, slipped out of my mouth and I'm seriously considering what are the consequences. Even though it might seem quite small at that time, might have blew way out of proportion. I NEED TO LEARN TO CHANGE MY MINDSET with more positive words and stuffs in it.
I started reading Our Daily Bread again... and for today, the passage was "The words of a wise man’s mouth are gracious. —Ecclesiastes 10:12"
How much I had needed that. I need to learn how to do it...
So much stuffs and I can only pray to God that He will lead me through this bump again with a wiser attitude and a changed mindset.
Hard... but I will overcome this barrier!!
My stress levels with the kids have reached a point where I can't stand it anymore...
Plus, I think God is giving me a signal that I've been ignoring Him too long...
Adam's Night would be a great thing to remind me of Him and what He has created for all the Eves in the world.
How great is His creation and why do people still... kinda leave God behind?
The world is getting so corrupted now as I can hear people thinking "Who are you to judge?"
So many things I've seen and so much I've just thought that "normal" now is really frightening me. Living together, gays... I've no idea... What I have thought before has changed drastically. Shocking.
Then today, I let something stupid. Actually SILLY, slipped out of my mouth and I'm seriously considering what are the consequences. Even though it might seem quite small at that time, might have blew way out of proportion. I NEED TO LEARN TO CHANGE MY MINDSET with more positive words and stuffs in it.
I started reading Our Daily Bread again... and for today, the passage was "The words of a wise man’s mouth are gracious. —Ecclesiastes 10:12"
How much I had needed that. I need to learn how to do it...
So much stuffs and I can only pray to God that He will lead me through this bump again with a wiser attitude and a changed mindset.
Hard... but I will overcome this barrier!!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
btw...
Moi got a new laptop...
Toshiba lappie... R.I.P.
You fell off the bed countless times...
You behave like the best!!!
Determined to give your best...
It's time for a rest!
... Ok. I suck at making up poems.
I bought myself a HP probook. After DD managed to persuade me just by telling me, IT'S A REALLY GOOD PRICE FOR THE SPECS and it's 17".
Ahhh... Life of a girl who buys things...
Only when I picked up the laptop I found out that it's actually big. And has no bag. I want a pretty bag. *sad*
Toshiba lappie... R.I.P.
You fell off the bed countless times...
You behave like the best!!!
Determined to give your best...
It's time for a rest!
... Ok. I suck at making up poems.
I bought myself a HP probook. After DD managed to persuade me just by telling me, IT'S A REALLY GOOD PRICE FOR THE SPECS and it's 17".
Ahhh... Life of a girl who buys things...
Only when I picked up the laptop I found out that it's actually big. And has no bag. I want a pretty bag. *sad*
Waihi Trip and random... Long long long lost....
Photos from my phone from my Waihi Trip...
A full rainbow... We saw double later one... Wonder if there is any pot of gold to collect... Or would the leprechaun would have economic recession as well?
Walking down the road with bare feet...I miss home... T-T
My endless obsession with Super Junior (SuJu)
I never knew... I'll be like a teenager again. And going through this utmost Korean phase.
(p.s. I'm nuts to the point that I can recognise all of them.)WHEN?
.... sign of needing a bf....
-too obsess with hot guys.
- start obsessing bout how guys look
-start typing about idols on my page
- when mum tells you on the phone not to be picky
Monday, August 3, 2009
LOL.
After the demotivation phase...
I remembered...
I went to Waihi during the weekend.
And. It was a blast.
And I found out that you can never take wrong photos in NZ.
Even with the glare of the sun, I managed some really good photos. Except I still can't take photos with me inside properly.
-_____________-
Probably meant, I will always take wrong photos with me in it.
*sigh*
Will post them up soon.
Mahjong was great. Except everyone won at least a few times but I kept losing. Only won ONCE. Just because someone ditched the wrong tile. LOL!
HALF MY TILES WERE ALL WRONG... T-T
I remembered...
I went to Waihi during the weekend.
And. It was a blast.
And I found out that you can never take wrong photos in NZ.
Even with the glare of the sun, I managed some really good photos. Except I still can't take photos with me inside properly.
-_____________-
Probably meant, I will always take wrong photos with me in it.
*sigh*
Will post them up soon.
Mahjong was great. Except everyone won at least a few times but I kept losing. Only won ONCE. Just because someone ditched the wrong tile. LOL!
HALF MY TILES WERE ALL WRONG... T-T
Lost my motivation...
I don't know. Life seems to be so... Motivation-LESs...
what gets me out of bed.
...... Can't name anything. Except what goes with shopping and meeting friends up. Or even re-watching lame dramas.
Which means, waste money, waste petrol, waste time.
I don't know. I used to have a goal.
To get something done by this this this...
Now, it goes down to, "Uh, can do it tomorrow."
Go GO GO!!!
GET IT DONE TO DAY...
or, maybe tomorrow. Sigh. My life sucks. Really.
Where's all that drive. Seems like I'm stuck in a particularly stressing and dark bend of that tunnel I've yet got to crawl out of. *sigh*
God's strength and He will lead me out.
Now, where's that competitiveness I've just concluded in youth?? Work as one. Esther, your brain and your heart and your body NEED TO WORK AS ONE. Not two.
Meaning,
One = Hardwork!!
Two = just procrastinate and waste time.
what gets me out of bed.
...... Can't name anything. Except what goes with shopping and meeting friends up. Or even re-watching lame dramas.
Which means, waste money, waste petrol, waste time.
I don't know. I used to have a goal.
To get something done by this this this...
Now, it goes down to, "Uh, can do it tomorrow."
Go GO GO!!!
GET IT DONE TO DAY...
or, maybe tomorrow. Sigh. My life sucks. Really.
Where's all that drive. Seems like I'm stuck in a particularly stressing and dark bend of that tunnel I've yet got to crawl out of. *sigh*
God's strength and He will lead me out.
Now, where's that competitiveness I've just concluded in youth?? Work as one. Esther, your brain and your heart and your body NEED TO WORK AS ONE. Not two.
Meaning,
One = Hardwork!!
Two = just procrastinate and waste time.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
OMG. My blog is still alive....
and I planned to keep it pretty dead. Cz no hope, no future...
Like how my cousin goes in a doctor/psychiatrist mode...
"Do you feel there is hope in life?"
"Are you suicidal?"
No is my answer to both questions but it seems that the tunnel I'm in never ends... and I YET TO CATCH A BLOODY GLIMPSE OF THAT LIGHT... Whoever came up with that quote must have been in a short bloody dark/faintly lighted tunnel. PFFT.
ANNA. Yes, ANNALIESA. Made my week... Uh. Let's say, it's adding ice onto snow.
Been a horrid as week and she just made it worst. Let's say, I understand the word "overplans" and "overforgetful" and "never remorse" even better after her... examples. Got put aeroplane by the worst person on earth. And she can never remember that someone is waiting for her. FAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR OUT.
................................................... I just wanna scream and pound my head against the wall so that I'll probably get a bloody concussion so I can sleep but I'm afraid that my neighbours thinks that we're abusing an imaginary child PLUS, my cousin can actually hear my whispers from her room next door.
P.S. my imaginary cat is white and it says hi.
P.P.S. SHEEESH! I think I forgot to see my psychiatrist today. He needs to give me meds.
and I planned to keep it pretty dead. Cz no hope, no future...
Like how my cousin goes in a doctor/psychiatrist mode...
"Do you feel there is hope in life?"
"Are you suicidal?"
No is my answer to both questions but it seems that the tunnel I'm in never ends... and I YET TO CATCH A BLOODY GLIMPSE OF THAT LIGHT... Whoever came up with that quote must have been in a short bloody dark/faintly lighted tunnel. PFFT.
ANNA. Yes, ANNALIESA. Made my week... Uh. Let's say, it's adding ice onto snow.
Been a horrid as week and she just made it worst. Let's say, I understand the word "overplans" and "overforgetful" and "never remorse" even better after her... examples. Got put aeroplane by the worst person on earth. And she can never remember that someone is waiting for her. FAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR OUT.
................................................... I just wanna scream and pound my head against the wall so that I'll probably get a bloody concussion so I can sleep but I'm afraid that my neighbours thinks that we're abusing an imaginary child PLUS, my cousin can actually hear my whispers from her room next door.
P.S. my imaginary cat is white and it says hi.
P.P.S. SHEEESH! I think I forgot to see my psychiatrist today. He needs to give me meds.
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